Who cares? We all do. Maybe too much.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
It is human nature to want to be liked and accepted. However, this often leads to people worrying too much about what others are thinking about them. A huge lie that we tell ourselves is the idea that what others think of us actually matters. While this notion clearly has primal evolutionary roots, its shift from survival instinct to social imperative has become one of our greatest obstacles to self-acceptance.
At a time when our ancestors shared the planet with woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers, no one wanted to get left behind. Group inclusion was necessary for survival. Today, our greatest predatory threat is our own species, both physically and socially. Regardless of this threat shift, the need for acceptance—and the fear that we won't be accepted—remain powerful influences on our thoughts and feelings. I
Cardinal sin in life is giving your power away and what I mean by that is to be influenced to a detrimental state by the opinions and thoughts of others. I’m raising my hand as a person who used to care waaaay too much about what other people thought and that is an exercise in reactivity, distorted thinking, paralysis from analysis, changing the course on our plans or intentions and just not living authentically which is a real crime.
Hey, rejection hurts
Nobody likes rejection — it’s a terrible feeling, because it denies something you’re proud of, happy about, or confident in.
Have you ever come up with an idea that you thought was brilliant?
You said to yourself, “No one else has ever thought of this” and you’re going to make millions of dollars on it, right?
You tell your wife, best friend, boss and they say, “That’s a terrible idea! No one will ever buy that.”
Wham! You’ve been stopped cold before you ever had the chance to get your idea off the ground. What happened to the dream? It died on the table. Someone else’s opinion meant more to you than your dream!???
Acting and reacting out of a fear of rejection will eventually diminish your own ideas, and your confidence and independence.
The addiction to the opinion of others affects areas of your life you may not even be aware of. For example, your drive a certain car, send your kid to private school, wearing designer labels, the watch around your wrist, the vacations you go on, the clubs you belong to, all of these things are tied to what someone else thinks.
You are a unique person, with unique thoughts from your unique life experience. When you start to favor other people’s opinions of you, you foster self-criticism, negative self-talk, and a feeling of incompleteness. And it gets worse: disapproving of yourself breeds more fear, worry, and dependence, a damaging cycle that gets more and more difficult to break.
It takes practice and courage ( see my blog about micro-bravery) to not place any level of importance on someone else’s opinion. Remember, an opinion is not fact. It may not even be the truth. It is merely someone else’s view about an issue that is based solely on personal judgment and therefore should not have any impact on your choices!
Others Don’t Care As Much As You Think
The Hard Truth: It’s Impossible to Please Everybody
People’s Thoughts Change on a Regular Basis
Life Is Simply Too Short
Do Whatever you Want and Be Whoever you Want
Once you give up catering to other people’s opinion and thoughts, you will find out who you truly are, and that freedom will be like taking a breath for the first time.
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." -- Oscar Wilde